i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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