I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
