you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
