Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
