I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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