dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
