my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
