matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
