We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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