Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
