there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
