So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
