i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
