the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
