I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i need an iv and a liver transplant
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
