Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
