Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i think my cat just said my name.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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