We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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