hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
