Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
