i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
