mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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