I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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