God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
