There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
