Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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