is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
