I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
