she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wish i was in the wii world.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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