I cockslap morals
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
