I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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