i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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