I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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