I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
