My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
