dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
