Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
