allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
