you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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