sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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