Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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