Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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