Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We have so much sex to catch up on
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
