somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
