He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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