you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
