I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
