I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
