She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
how can u be prego again
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
