Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
