Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
