Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
