woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
