First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
